The Origin Of A New Life
by TriceNorthman
Summary: Sookie Stackhouse had everything but she lost her life and will try to look for some way to remember who she really was.
1. I've Been Through Hell

**Hope you like this story, it's not like other I've writen but I've been thinking about it for a short time and here it is.**

**Thanks for reading.**

**;)**

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><p><strong>The Origin Of A New Life<strong>

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><p><strong>I've Been Through Hell<strong>

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><p><strong>Sookie POV<strong>

A drink.

At first you think just one drink won't hurt anyone. You think it's something normal, something everyone does when you need to disappear, escape from reality and forget your problems.

A drink.

How can a simple drink in a small glass can cause so much damage?

A drink.

The first drink makes you feel good, makes you see the problems are not as bad as they seem but it's not real. It's just an illusion created by our minds to accept the fact that we are so desperate that we could able to do anything to avoid reality.

A drink.

Just one drink and everything can change in seconds. We wouldn't even be aware of what is happening until it was too late and we couldn't do anything about it then.

That's how all started. A single drink and my life changed forever.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Five years ago**

"When will Dad arrive?" Sarah was restless, running around the house, waiting anxiously for her father to return. "Mom, when will he come? You said he'd come today." Who can have as much energy as a seven-year-old girl who's waiting for her father?

"Baby, Daddy is coming soon, okay?" She nodded but I knew it wouldn't be enough for her. Sarah needed to know everything all the time and there was always a question in her mouth. She was so smart, gorgeous and awake and unable to remain silent and quiet for more than five minutes.

"Sarah, you have to finish your dinner or Daddy won't give you your gift when he returns, all right?" Bill always brought her some from his travels. His job was boring and kept him away from home for weeks but he was a good father and always found time to be with Sarah when he was at home. "Besides, you know when Dad gets here it will be pretty late for you and you'll have to be in bed because there's school tomorrow. You'll have time to talk to him tomorrow, okay?"

"But Mom…"

"No buts, Sarah." I said firmly and we finished our dinner.

We waited and waited but Bill never showed up. Sarah was not sad or upset, no, she was disappointed and it was something I couldn't bear.

"Honey, you need to go to bed."

"But Daddy's not back yet." She replied desperate. "You promised me Daddy would come before I went to bed, why he's not here? Why has he not arrived yet?"

"Sarah, I don't know, maybe his flight has delayed, it may only be a problem but I'm sure Daddy will be home tomorrow and we'll go out to dinner, the three of us, to celebrate it together, what do you think?"

"Okay." But her answer was not convincing. I hated to see Sarah in that way but I couldn't do anything else.

"Good night, sweetheart, I love you."

"Love you too, Mommy." I was going to close the door but Sarah called me before I did. "Who will protect me from monsters if Daddy is not here? He always knows how to make them disappear."

I smiled slightly and whispered. "Don't worry, baby, if a monster appears I will protect you. I promise. Good night."

Bill was never late, his trips were calculated with precision and missing a flight back was not normal for him. I started to get scared and even looked on the Internet for possible aviation accidents or anything else that could have happened in the Chicago area but there was nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

What the hell was going on?

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Five years had passed and the pain still remained.

One drink after another, but the pain never disappeared.

Who said drinking makes you forget? It's not true, it's only the illusion that something is a little better but it's just a lie. A simple and stupid lie that we need to believe to try to move on.

It does not work.

It _never _works.

How can change everything so quickly in a matter of seconds? Life, everything you have achieved means NOTHING when something gets in your way and you can not fight against it because it is actually stronger than you and nothing you do will be enough to avoid the disaster.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Bill, this is the…well, actually I don't know how many messages I left you on the phone but please, please, I need to know what's happening and if you're okay." I breathed deeply and continued talking to a phone without knowing if my message would be heard sometime. "Hey, I'm very scared and I'm trying to look calm for Sarah but the truth is I'm having a panic attack and I don't know what to think. You don't answer the phone, I have no way to contact you and…just call me, please. I need to know you're okay. I love you."

I walked around the house with my cell phone in my hand and trying to stay calm.

I walked in Sarah's room several times to check if she was still sleeping but the idea of going to our bedroom and getting into bed was unthinkable. I wouldn't be able to sleep and I'd look up at the ceiling the whole night just thinking about awful things that could have happened to my husband.

And at some point in the night I fell asleep in the living room couch.

**Present**

"Have you been out again?" I walked into the apartment to find my best friend and roommate Amelia sitting on the couch and waiting for me. I just nodded to her question and walked towards my room but she stopped me before I could reach it. "Sook, I was worried for you, you left hours ago and haven't even called. Where have you been?"

"Having fun, you know." I said smiling.

"Have you been drinking?" She didn't give me time to answer or deny it before she continued talking and looked at me as if I had committed murder. "Sookie! I thought we'd already gone through this. Listen, what you're doing is not good for you and you need to stop."

"Stop?" I yelled. "Why should I stop, Amelia?"

"Because THIS is not good for you! Damn Sookie, you can't go out every night, drinking non-stop in bars and surrounded by people who would be able to do anything to a girl like you, do you understand? You're acting like a stupid and irresponsible one right now and I won't allow it."

"Who asked you to worry for me?" I yelled again. "I just want to go to bed! Leave me alone!" And I slammed the door shut behind me.

I was acting like a teen and I felt stupid, irresponsible and guilty but I couldn't help it.

I got in bed without undressing and cried and cried until there were no more tears in my eyes. I fell asleep clutching the photograph that was once my family and prayed things were different the next day.

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><p>I know it's a weird beginning but hope you enjoy reading it.<p>

;)


	2. The Hell Is Here

**Hi everybody, here's the second chapter for this new story of mine and I hope you're enjoying it although I know it's pretty hard to read but I want to thank to all of you for reading this new story.**

**I want to dedicate this new chapter to my beta, **Jdragonfire29**, for her wonderful work, as always, and because she's having some problems but she managed to have this chapter edited. Thanks a lot, Jamie.**

**Enjoy the chapter and leave me a review or whatever you like.**

**;)**

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><p><strong>The Hell Is Here<strong>

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><p><strong>Eric POV<strong>

Drinking seemed the only solution during the first months, but I knew it couldn't last. Headaches, stomach pain, hangovers and the many other side effects of getting drunk every night, began to wreak havoc on my body. I knew I couldn't continue this way for much longer.

Jack, José and Smirnoff had become my best friends during the first weeks, after that I just looked for anything to help me feel something.

Feel anything.

It had been a long time since I ceased to feel. I spent each night /drunk with a different woman. Never bringing any of them to my home, because there were too many memories. The easiest option was to wake up every time in a different bed. I always woke before them, no conversations, no names or phone numbers.

Just sex.

"What did you do last night?" Felicia, my therapist, always asked me the same question at each session.

"The usual." I quipped back.

"Eric, you're progress has improved, but you are still not ready for a full recovery. Tell me, what did you do last night?"

I stood in silence for a few seconds, remembering each place in which I had been and every woman I looked at. All of them were willing to go with me, to fuck me all night and not remember anything the next day.

"Eric? Is there a problem?"

"No. Not a problem." I practiced the breathing techniques she taught me in the first few sessions and relaxed before starting talking. "I went out. I did not call any of my friends, I wasn't in the mood. I left home and started walking. I didn't even change clothes. I started thinking about the accident, the discussion we had hours before and felt everything in the house remind me of her." She was my fiancée. She was the woman I was going to marry and spend the rest of my life with her but she was gone.

"Eric, we've talked many times about what happened that night, okay? You are not responsible; you can not blame yourself for something you couldn't control. Thalia is not with you." She paused, looking at him seriously. "Eric, she is no longer here, but you keep thinking your life has not changed. You need to start assuming everything has changed."

"I know everything's changed," I sighed, frustrated. "I can't accept the fact that I won't see her again." My voice cracked, emotion overwhelming me. "Thalia was full of life. She is gone…why? Rain and a drunk driver."

"All right. That was the reason you left home. Tell me, what did you do during the rest of the night?" She pushed, she always pushed me to continue. I wonder why I torture myself coming here.

"I drank, but I wasn't drunk. A couple of beers and I met a woman who was very drunk. We started talking and she told that her husband was cheating on her. She wanted revenge. At first I wasn't convinced it was a good idea, but she was persistant. She said her husband was a motherfucker who had cheated her for too long and she wanted to do the same to him."

"Do you think you should feel guilty about what happened with that woman?"

"I should feel guilty for helping her to do something wrong, but I'm not feeling that way. I don't feel responsible for what happened because I didn't hurt anyone…at least not directly. I don't know the husband. I don't even remember the woman's name so there is no relation. I haven't thought of it since I left her home this morning."

"What about her husband?"

"What about him?"

Felicia leaned slightly towards me and took off her glasses. "Tell me Eric, did you see any photographs of them? Her husband's face?"

"No. There were no photographs."

"Why do you think there were no photographs?" I had no idea what she was talking about but she was the professional. "Maybe she got rid of them because she didn't want distractions."

"Maybe." I added agreeing with her.

"If it was the opposite, would you have hidden the photographs?"

"I would never have done that!" I yelled desperately. If my Thalia was still alive I would be another man, a normal person in love and not the kind of man I was now. Felicia jumped and I suddenly felt like a real asshole. "Sorry."

"It doesn't matter." She wrote something in her notebook and looked at me again. "Do you think that has any meaning? Maybe she felt guilty about what she was doing. Maybe she's still in love with her husband and wanted to hurt him, but deep down she felt bad for it. Have you considered that?"

"No."

"Why not? You're a good man, Eric, why did you not care to sleep with that woman knowing she was married?"

"It wasn't my choice."

"Do you believe that? You are an adult who makes his own choices. You wouldn't have slept with her if you hadn't taken the decision to do it, would you?" I nodded but said nothing. "If you're agreeing with me, why did you do it? If it is just about sex there are methods simpler and less risky."

"Simpler and less risky. Of course there are ways to have sex, but I wouldn't be able to be with a prostitute. I couldn't."

"Why not?"

"They are professionals they're experts in their work. Where would be the fun in that?" God, I was an asshole and used women. "It wasn't exactly what I meant."

"What do you mean exactly, Eric?"

"I guess it's easier to find a woman in a bar, you know, a drunken woman who's looking for sex without complications. You've no idea how many people are willing to do it out there."

"Have you ever stopped to think why you are doing this?" I frowned and she kept talking. "Eric, you're a smart and talented man, but you let something terrible to take control of your life. You think it's fair? Remember this question…do you really believe that you deserve to be a sad person the rest of your life just because someone you loved is no longer here?" I wasn't sure if I understood what she meant, but I never thought about it before. I'd been drinking and fucking non-stop and never thought if it was unfair for me.

"I don't think or plan ahead, I…I just try to make it through."

"That's not an answer, Eric."

"I know."

Pam thought it would be a good idea to talk to a professional about everything had happened, but at first I hesitated a lot. My sister was so worried for me and that was the reason why I agreed.

"I gotta go, I'll see you next week."

"Are you all right, Eric?" Felicia got up from her chair and walked me to the door. "Do you have problems to sleep?"

Actually I used to lose consciousness very easily thanks to my friends with their long necks but sleep…well, it was a problem but I never worried too much about it.

"I'm fine."

"All right. I'll see you next week, but if you have a problem you know you can call me."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Sometimes talking to someone helped me better to understand what had happened with my life, but when I was alone it all closed back in on me. Thalia's photographs were still around the house and her clothes as well. I hadn't the courage to get rid of everything and every time I opened the closet I could still smell her perfume. I knew it was time to move on. I picked up the phone and dialed my sister. If I was going to do this I'd need help and no one better than her.

"Hello?"

"Pam, it's me." I said breathing deeply. "Hey, you got something to do this afternoon?"

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><p><strong>I want you to know that I've thinking about writing this story for a long time but I was really busy with my other ones but I decided to write so hope you enjoy this new chapter and I'm already waiting for your reviews, opinions or advices.<strong>

**Thanks a lot.**

**Esther ;)**


	3. My Personal Hell Part 1

Wow, it's so great to see how many people is enjoying this story although there are just three chapters but you already know that I love all your reviews and that's a good reason to keep writing.

As always my beta **Jdragonfire29** has done an amazing job editing this new chapter and I hope you all enjoy reading it.

Thanks for everything.

;)

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><p><strong>My Personal Hell. Part 1<strong>

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><p><strong>Sookie POV<strong>

I woke up not remembering what had happened last night, but my head felt like it was going to explode. I would probably have drunk to pass out or maybe it was what I wanted to believe. I just had a terrible headache, because I had been crying all night.

Again.

I remembered the argue with Amelia, my best friend and roommate, when I got home. Although I couldn't be sure, I suspected I would have said horrible things to her and I only could pray for her to forgive me because it wasn't really me. Alcohol, pain and being alone in the world made me do things that I even couldn't understand.

Why was I still killing myself?

Why was I still thinking that alcohol would help me to forget?

Nothing really made sense; the fact that my husband and daughter were dead was the only real thing. Nothing, not even alcohol, could ever change the fact that they wouldn't come back to me.

It took great effort to get out of bed, trying to start the day but the day had already started without me. It was past two in the afternoon and the picture I was hugging last night was on my bedside table. Three people with huge smiles on their faces staring at me, reminding me the woman who smiled at me was gone.

I stared at it for minutes, without taking my eyes off of it. I was sure I would begin to cry again, if I didn't get out of bed and out of that room. I couldn't continue living in the past, trying to recover what was already taken, because although I wish with all my strength I could never get it, they would never return because they were too far from me.

I left the room, trying to maintain balance. Everything was spinning and I suddenly felt nauseous. I needed to eat, not alcohol, just food.

"Good morning, Amelia," I walked into the kitchen and saw her sitting on the table, drinking her tea and reading the newspaper. "Would you like some breakfast?" I could understand she was furious with me. We had fought many times, because she cared too much for me. She was always trying to make me seen that I was not doing things the right way but I have a lot of character and I've always had trouble accepting others' opinion. But she was right, I had to change and move on even though it broke my heart trying it.

"Good morning, Sookie." She said with neutral voice.

"Are you still mad at me?" I asked simply. I wasn't trying to hide what had happened last night, but the last thing I needed now was a sermon. "Hey, I understand you're pissed at me, okay?" I sat at the table in front of her and stared at her. "I'm sorry if I said things last night…you know, I didn't mean any of that and…"

"Sookie, do you really remember something you said last night?" I would love to answer that I remembered everything, but that lie only have made me feel even guiltier. "Sookie, I do not care what you told me, because I know it wasn't you. It bothers me that we have to go through this night after night. It's absurd!" It really was.

"I know." I said, whispering. "I know this is fucking crazy and nothing makes sense, but I don't know what else I can do, do you understand me?" I added, sighing and angry. "I've tried _everything_, believe me, I did, but nothing's worked. I left Shreveport because I couldn't stand it anymore, I sold the house and left 'cause the idea of continuing living in a place full of memories was overwhelming and everything was exactly the same. It will never be the same. Sarah would no longer run around the house, wouldn't sit to do her homework every night at the kitchen table while I prepared dinner and Bill would never enter the door again to have dinner as a family. Nothing." I confessed with tears in my eyes. "Everything's gone, Ames, and although five years have passed I still feeling it as if happened yesterday."

Amelia suddenly closed the newspaper and rose from her chair. I didn't even bother to ask her because there were only two options; or she was too pissed off with me or she had to go and actually I wasn't sure which option I preferred.

"Take this."

"What is that?" I asked her as I held a card in my hand. "Who is Felicia Donovan?"

"She's a therapist who works especially with people who suffer depression and problems with drugs and alcohol." My eyes opened wide and I was ready to discuss with Amelia because I didn't want to go see a stranger and tell her my sad story. "Before you say anything else you need to know she's a not a psychiatrist or a psychologist, okay? This woman has helped many people like you, you know, people who have suffered a great trauma and I think it'd be a good idea for you."

"Amelia, I'm not sure that's…"

"Hey," she said before I could interrupt her, "I am not asking you to trust in her completely, okay? Go, talk to her and then decide if it's worth it. Sook, I am very worried about you, I see what you're doing to yourself and I know I can't do anything because you're not a girl or a teenager. You're a grown woman and I can't make your decisions for you, but I think you need to listen to me about this."

When Bill and Sarah died all my friends in Shreveport thought it'd be a good idea to talk to someone about what happened that night, but I refused outright. I wasn't willing to let someone else know that my life had become a nightmare. Two months later I moved to New York with Amelia.

"You think it's a good idea?" I asked Amelia honestly. We were like sisters and I just trusted her opinion and would _only _hear her opinion. "Do you believe this woman will be able to help me? Because I'm so lost right now that I don't even know what I'm doing. It's as if I couldn't control myself and I know it's wrong to do what I'm doing but when I go out and drink I think I feel better."

"I'm positive Felicia will make you feel better. You need to go Sookie, because if you don't, you'll end up making you much more damage to yourself and I don't think I can stand seeing you destroy yourself. I can't imagine what it must hurt, what you're feeling and I know nothing will help you to forget…but you can at least try to learn to live with it."

I was still not convinced about this therapist thing was a good idea but Amelia seemed so worried that I felt guilty and decided to give it a try. "I will go."

"Really?"

I nodded and a slight smile appeared on her lips. Maybe this woman would help me to understand what's going on with me or maybe it was a waste of time but at least I was willing to try. "I should call now and schedule an appointment," I said as I left the table to go to the phone.

"I've already done it." Why wasn't I surprised? "Sorry, but I knew sooner or later you'd come to your senses and accept it so I called her last night when you came home and told her that you'd be there tomorrow afternoon."

"Well…thanks."

"You're welcome, Sook."

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I was nervous, restless and couldn't help thinking maybe this was not such a good a good idea and maybe Amelia was wrong. I didn't know this woman, I didn't know what she would think of me and if she was going to be able to help me or if I was willing to her help me.

"Sookie Stackhouse?"

I got up automatically without even thinking and started walking toward the open door of Dr. Donovan. I had never heard about her and I didn't know how Amelia knew her, but it was not the time to think about that. No, I had promised my best friend I would try this and move on and I really wanted to. I wanted to sleep all night again without mourning and feel good the next day.

"Welcome Sookie. Please sit down." The truth is her office surprised me. It wasn't what I expected.

The walls were painted in a light blue contrasting with the dark furniture and everything was wide. There were no large bookshelves or a couch where I could lay down to tell all my problems. No, it was simple, a desk, some pictures on the walls and two dark brown chairs placed them facing each other. I sat near the window and for a few seconds neither of us said anything. I figured I would feel uncomfortable but I wasn't, I was relaxed and calm.

"Amelia called me last night and the truth is that I was surprised when she told me some things about you."

"Really? What things?" I was curious as to what Amelia shared with her already.

"Well, she said that you needed a little help and that something terrible happened to you but didn't give many details." I nodded, knowing this wouldn't be easy and probably I'd hear things that I wouldn't want to hear. "She said you're having some problems with alcohol and she's very worried for you. Do you want to tell me?"

I hesitated for a few seconds but I thought, 'What the hell?' And I started talking. "My life is a mess. Amelia's right, over the past five years I've been like a ghost and began drinking…because I felt alone, lost and the pain is awful and I couldn't even breathe. It was as if a part of me was ripped off me and I could never get it back." This is about feelings, isn't it? "I feel empty inside, as if I was unable to feel anything except pain and I don't know what to do to make it go."

"What happened?" I stared at her but didn't answer. "Sookie, I know pain can be very scary and talk about things that hurt us is difficult but let them inside is not the solution. So tell me, what happened?"

I told her the whole story, with details, and cried and cried but she did not seem uncomfortable. She heard me all the time, no interruptions, and although it was pretty hard to tell when I finished I felt a little bit better.

"Sookie, I'm not going to lie to you, beyond all this will take a long time but I promise you that over time you'll feel better." I wanted to believe her, really, but I wasn't completely trusting in her word. "Listen to me, others may prescribe you sleeping pills, but I don't, because I believe that's not the solution. However, I want you to write a diary every night or when you have time, it doesn't matter, when you feel you can and we could read it here or you could send it to me, whichever you prefer."

"A diary?"

"Do you prefer letters?"

"Yes. I've never been good writing diaries, I tried when I was a kid but I used to forget it and it had no sense."

"All right. Letters then. Write a letter once in a while, you don't have to write it to a specific person, you can just write what you feel and that's all. No need to tell anyone if you don't want to but it may help you sleep at night, you know, release feelings and relax. What do you think?"

I accepted, knowing maybe she could be right.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

An hour later I was still thinking about everything Felicia and I had been talking and I could say that I felt a little bit better. It was not a great advance but at least I was beginning to be able to see the path.

"What would you like to drink?" the waitress asked me, a young girl in a modern look with short and dyed blond hair.

"Ummm…cappuccino, please." I said, but before she left I added. "And a cupcake. Thank you."

At least I wasn't drinking alcohol. If I wanted to start a new life I had to leave the old one behind me first.

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><p>Read this chapter and say whatever you want but you know, leave me a review just hitting the big button down there and I'll read them and answer them as always.<p>

Nice week for everybody!

;)


	4. My Personal Hell Part 2

**Happy Halloween for everybody! I really hope you had a great night and I know it's been a long since the last chapter for this story but I was busy and couldn't end it until a couple of days.**

**Thanks to my beta Jdragonfire29 for everything because she's doing a great work with all of my chapters.**

**Hope you enjoy it and leave a review because it makes me happy! ;)**

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><p><strong>My Personal Hell. Part 2<strong>

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><p><strong>Eric POV<strong>

"Harder, harder…" I couldn't remember her name and I didn't even care. I was just fucking her and that was all I could think about when she was under me.

I increased the pace, not because I was enjoying it but because I wanted to finish as soon as possible and get out of there. It wasn't an act of love, was not romantic or special or intimate, it was just sex and it was just a necessity for me.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Why?" Felicia always asked me the same question when I told her what I had done the night before. Never in my whole life, someone had asked me 'why?' so many times.

"I don't know."

"Yes, you do, Eric."

"Then why do you need to ask me?"

Felicia chuckled and stared at me. "I don't need to know, Eric." She breathed deeply for a few seconds and kept talking. "The reason because you keep doing this is because you really can't understand why you're doing it. Tell me, what was her name? The woman you slept with last night, what was her name?"

"I didn't ask her."

"Why not?" Again with the fucking 'why?' I was beginning to be tired of hearing it. "Tell me, why didn't you ask her for her name? You didn't want to know or just didn't care?"

"I didn't care. I was in a bar, drinking a beer and she was across from me. She kept looking at me all night and when she gathered enough courage to talk to me she told me that she wanted to fuck someone, me, and she didn't care anything else. Only one fuck, that's what she said." I could remember perfectly her words because I had heard them too many times and although it was sad every night the same story repeated for me and I didn't care.

"Have you ever had behaved like this before?" I frowned but she kept talking. "Have you ever needed to be in a relationship to have sex with a woman?"

"Yes."

"Even with your fiancée?"

"Yes."

"What has changed?"

What had changed? Well, my fiancée was dead and I didn't care about anything else; that was exactly what had changed.

"Eric, have you stopped giving importance to sex?"

"Sex is important."

"I agree," she said chuckling, "but it is not the only thing important, is it? Sometimes we let ourselves go by our passions because we believe there is nothing stronger but that can even be dangerous. You've let yourself go too much, Eric, and you need to come back to reality even if it is a painful world where you don't want to live." Was she right? Had I escaped from reality? I couldn't be sure of anything anymore.

"Eric, I want you to do something for me."

"What?"

"I want you to go out tonight, I don't care the place, a café, a bar, movies, anywhere, and I want you to talk to the first person, man or woman, you find in your way. No matter what you talk, just tell your name and hold a conversation or just don't say anything else. Only one person, just look for a person and talk. That's all."

"Why?"

"I thought it was me who asked that all the time," she said grinning, and I couldn't help but chuckle. "Back to the real world, at least for a moment."

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Could I return to the real world?

Felicia had never suggested anything like that before and I had to admit that I was scared. I wasn't good at talking to people, much less to strangers and the only person with whom I had related, other than my therapist, was with my sister Pam.

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"She wants you to do what?" Pam asked me surprised. We both knew I wasn't the social one of the family, I had always left that work for Pam. "Eric, are you sure it's a good idea?"

"I have no idea, Pam." I huffed and dropped myself on the couch. "I guess there must be some new technique or she's just looking for a way to entertain me, I don't know, but I don't care."

Pam sat beside me and put her hand over mine. "Eric, you're my brother and I love you but I hate seeing you so depressed and although I've never been a fan of psychiatrists, therapist and all that stuff but I have to admit that you seem better since you've been seeing Dr. Donovan."

"You think so?"

"Eric, you know I've always supported you, in everything, but I can't bear seeing you sinking slowly."

Many people might say that my sister was a heartless bitch but no one knew her better than me. Pam was always hard and distant because she liked to maintain her independence but I knew she was really someone who cared about me and I had no idea where I would be today if it hadn't been for her.

"Are you going to do it?"

I stared into nothingness without saying a word, just thinking about what Felicia had proposed to me.

Was I really ready to go out to the real world without wearing my mask? To talk to a person without looking for something else?

"Eric…"

"I want to."

"Good."

"I don't know if I'm ready." I leaned forward and put my face in my hands trying to think clearly. "It's been so long…I don't know, maybe I am not able to do this anymore."

"It's about talking to someone, Eric, not to prove there is life on Mars." I couldn't help laughing at my sister's honesty. I knew I could always count on her and she was the only person she would always tell me the truth. "I think you should do this, perhaps it helps you to return to being a normal person."

"Really?"

She shook her head from side to side thoughtfully. "Yes. Look, I don't think you're going to change overnight and everything's going to be happiness and smiles all the time but I'm sure if you return to normal world for a couple of hours wouldn't be something so horrible, don't you think?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

So there I was, in a downtown café on a cold night and drinking coffee sitting on a stool.

There was no one beside me, just some people at the tables, so I was failing miserably in my mission.

It couldn't be my fault, could it?

"A cup of hot chocolate, please," I suddenly heard a sweet voice near me and when I looked up I saw a beautiful woman next to me. "Hello."

"Hello."

Her voice was sweet and her face angelic but there was sadness in her eyes.

I continued looking down at my coffee, trying to think if I could talk to her or she just leave before I had the chance to so I decided to go.

What could I lose?

"I'm Eric."

"Sookie."

The waitress placed the cup on the bar in front of her but I was faster than Sookie.

"I invite."

"Thank you, but you don't have to."

"I insist."

Sookie smiled weakly at me and nodded gratefully.

"Thanks for the invitation."

She left and sat on a free table and pulled out a small notebook and a pen from her purse and began writing.

Maybe she was a student or she just liked to write.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When I got home I felt satisfied with myself. For the first time in a long time. When Felicia asked me to talk to a stranger I was hesitant at first because I knew it wouldn't be easy but when I met Sookie I was sure that I had done the right thing.

For some reason I could not stop thinking about her, she was beautiful with her long blonde hair and big blue eyes but I couldn't help but think there was sadness in her eyes.

Maybe she had problems with a boyfriend or at work and I really would love to know the truth, I'd have seat at the table with her to talk about anything but I didn't want to invade her privacy and she probably could have thought that I was some kind or perv who were harassing her.

Why was I still thinking on her?

She was the first woman that had awakened any interest in me in a long time and I couldn't avoid pronouncing her name in my head over and over again.

Sookie.

Sookie.

Sookie.

I was getting a little obsessed with her but couldn't understand it. I did not think of her as I used to with other women I met in bars at night. No, she was different, with her I could think of taking a walk, talk like two normal people or even go to the movies or dinner.

Sookie.

Even her name was unusual. For me it was just Mandy, Tiffany or Kelly, almost all of them with a Y at the end of their names but I wasn't one to judge them for it. I just slept with them, fuck them and then I disappeared as if nothing had happened.

"Hello brother," Pam greeted me from the living room and I grabbed my chest tightly.

"Fuck, Pam! I almost had a heart attack. What the fuck are you doing here? You left when I did."

"I know." She said rolling her eyes as if it were obvious. "I went shopping and then wanted to go home but for some reason something stopped me all the time." She sighed and I knew she was going to say something that was not easy for her. "I couldn't stop thinking about you and in that thing you needed to do tonight so I decided to go back and wait for you."

"Are you serious?" I asked her grinning. God, it had been so long since the last time that I really smiled. It was great. "Pam, I'm fine, no need for you to stay."

"I know but at least I wanted to know if everything had gone well."

"Everything was…" Was I ready to tell her what had happened? It wasn't really a big deal but I couldn't help but be excited. "Fine. Everything went fine."

"Fine? Just fine? Have you talked to someone?"

I nodded but said nothing.

"Oh my fucking God!" Pam yelled like crazy and I knew my neighbours wouldn't be very happy with me tomorrow. "You've talked to a woman! You did, didn't you?"

God, how could she know?

"Eric, come on, I am your sister; you have to tell me. Is she beautiful?" Yes, she was beautiful but I was sure it was not exactly what it was exactly what Felicia would expect from this when she proposed it to me. "Yes, she's beautiful. Eric, seriously, you can tell me anything."

"Pam, I'm not in the mood, I'm tired and want to go to bed."

"Are you kicking me out?"

"You can stay if you want but I'm going to sleep. Good night."

Ten minutes later I heard the front door closing and I knew she was gone.

I took a quick shower and got into bed. I couldn't stop thinking on her and I wanted to see her again.

But, was I going to see her again?

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	5. Letters From Hell

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><p><strong>Letters From Hell<strong>

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><p><strong>Sookie POV<strong>

"Letters? Does she want you to write letters?" Amelia asked when I got home from my first session with Dr. Donovan.

"Yeah, letters."

Ames did not seem to understand, and although at first I thought it'd be a waste of time I couldn't stop thinking about it. Maybe writing my feelings on paper would help me clear my mind. I had never done anything like this, even as a child hadn't written a diary, but if that helped me it was more than welcomed.

"Are you gonna do it?" She asked as we were drinking a couple of Coke in the living room. "Do you think that will help you?"

I just shrugged my shoulders because I didn't know what else I could do.

"Ames, I haven't the faintest idea whether this is good or not but Felicia thinks I should at least give it a try." I was beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel, trying to find a way out. "I don't know if I can write or read them aloud but…" and I started shaking my head, "I dunno, actually I have no idea what's going to happen but I've realized that I don't want to be like this anymore." And I began to sob as tears rolled down my cheeks. "I don't want to argue with you again 'cause I'm acting like a lunatic and a drunk woman." Amelia's eyes were glazing but I knew she was trying to be strong for me. "I love you, Ames, you're my best friend and if it hadn't been for you…I…I don't know where I would be right now. I would probably laying in a bed with a terrible hangover and thinking about a new way to keep destroying my life." I wanted to hug her but I knew if I had I wouldn't have finished telling her all I needed to say. "You saved me, Amelia. You did it when I didn't even know I had to be saved and I don't know if I ever being able to thank enough for it." Ames couldn't hold herself for longer and we hugged each other tightly. We were crying and sobbing like fools but we didn't care at all.

"I love you so much, Sookie, you already know that, but I will say it every day when you wake up if you need it to move on."

"I need it." I mumbled.

"Then I'll do it. I will say it every morning when you wake up." And I knew she would.

_Dear whoever,_

_Today I woke up and thought my life would keep having no sense, as had happened until now. I don't know why, and until recently I didn't even care, but something inside me has changed and I don't want to remain sad, bitter and lonely anymore. No, I'm so tired and I just want to move on, have a life and go back to being human._

_Why has taken so long for me to realize? Why did I not hear all these people trying to help me? In fact they're rhetorical questions because, although I think about it a lot, I know I won't find an answer to let me satisfied. There is probably no answer but at least I think I'll understand sooner or later._

"How about those letters, Sookie?" For some reason I was so relieved when Felicia asked me that question. I had only written one but she told me no matter the quantity but the quality. If writing made me feel good then I should continue doing so.

"Fine, I think." Felicia arched an eyebrow and urged me to keep talking. "At first when I saw the blank page before me I thought I wouldn't be able, that something would prevent me from writing but I closed my eyes for a moment and thought I was stronger than the pain."

"Well done, Sookie."

I nodded slightly and looked through the window. "I haven't addressed it at anyone," I said no more. "I could have chosen a name or a person, you know, a friend, but I wasn't able."

"It doesn't matter, Sookie, what matters is that's served to help you."

"It's done." I answered quickly. "Well, at least I feel a little better now and I have to admit that I smiled slightly when I finished writing it. They were just a couple of paragraphs but I felt free, you know, like I've been keeping all this pain inside me for too long and suddenly I had left everything out."

"How did you feel?"

I knew she would ask me that question and although I would love to say that I felt great it really wasn't so good. "A little better."

I was in the same café as the last time I saw him and for some reason I thought I'd see him again. I had been thinking about him, Eric, since that first night and I had no idea why.

"Hello and welcome, are you ready to order?"

Since it was almost lunch time I decided to order something light but I chose to drink water because I didn't want to see alcohol anywhere. If I wanted to take the control back in my life I had to start with the smallest detail.

"Is this seat taken?" I heard his voice and when I looked up I saw his beautiful blue eyes fixed on mine. It was him. I had seen him again and this time I wouldn't flee.

"It is now." I said no more and he sat beside me at the bar. "Glad to see you again, Eric."

"Glad to see you too, Sookie."

At first the silence was a little awkward between us until I decided I could at least have a chat with someone else besides Amelia or Felicia Donovan. Since then I hadn't talked a lot of people than waiters.

"Do you come here a lot?" I didn't know what else to ask.

"Sometimes, but I'll begin to come more often if the company is so good." Was he flirting with me? I couldn't be sure because it had been so long since the last time and I was convinced that I had lost practice. "It's a good place to hang out, don't you think?"

"Yeah, it's nice." And I took a sip of my water. "The food is wonderful and I like it 'cause it's close to home. I can return on foot."

"Yeah, me too."

In other circumstances I would have felt uncomfortable with this conversation but we were both adults and he was a very nice man.

"I don't know if I should tell you this," I began speaking, "but right now I'm not in my best moment and I should warn you that I'm not the best person you can spend time with." I was ruining any chance I could have to get to know Eric but my mouth and my brain were not working together at the time. "Sorry, you must be thinking I'm crazy and you're probably right."

"I don't think you're crazy, and I'm not in my best moment either." I just nodded and looked into his eyes. There was sadness in them and I couldn't imagine what it would be so terrible in his life to have that look in his eyes.

"So, you're the crazy one then?" I asked suddenly. I was not sure why I asked him but I did. "Tell me, what's your big secret? What about that sad look?" I wouldn't have been surprised if he would send me to hell for that kind of question but I didn't care anymore. Eric looked down at his plate for a few seconds and when I was ready to apologize for being so rude he began talking.

"Someone advised me that I should talk to people," he said no more and I didn't understand what he meant. "I've lost someone," he murmured, and suddenly I felt like a complete fool, "someone important in my life."

"Eric, I…I'm so sorry…"

"Don't worry. You couldn't know." Why would I open my big mouth? "That's the reason I'm here talking to you, I guess. I had lost contact with the outside world and someone told me the best way to recover myself gradually was trying to talk to a person, a stranger, and I don't know, maybe it's working or maybe not." And he shrugged.

"I've lost people I cared about too." If it wasn't Eric in front of me I would have never said the words that had just left my lips. Eric looked at me surprised and I realized that he was waiting for me to keep talking. "I guess I've lost contact with the outside world too," and I smiled slightly.

An hour later we were in the darkest area of a bar drinking no alcoholic beer and talking.

"Thalia was a great woman, you know? The kind of person who always does everything right and you'd be proud of her." I heard every word he said and even held his hand when he couldn't talk anymore. "I was so in love with her than anything else didn't matter, you know what I mean?"

"Yeah." And I began remembering my relationship with Bill, although last months had been unusual. "I loved my husband and my daughter. She was so perfect that even five years later I still can remember every detail of her; her laughter, her eyes, her missing teeth…" I couldn't believe I was talking about Sarah with an unknown man but I was doing it. "I still wake up at night thinking it was all a nightmare, that my daughter is alive and will come through the door at any time." Eric did not speak nor move. "I miss her so much, every second, but I have to learn to live with what happened and I know one day I'll see her again."

"I wish I could be as strong as you," he muttered a couple of minutes later. I did not feel strong or positive, I was just trying to keep on with my life. "If it hadn't been for my sister I would never have gotten rid of all her clothes. They were still in the closet and every time I opened it I could feel her scent, her perfume and I sank when I found a hair of hers in one of my shirts." I had gone through that and I could understand it perfectly. "I couldn't even touch the shirt because I was afraid of…it's really stupid."

"No, it's not."

"Really?" He asked, smiling slightly. "I think it's crazy and if someone else were hearing me talking like this would have thought I am insane, huh?"

"I don't think you're insane, Eric, you're just trying to find a way back to being yourself again, that's all."

It was past twelve when we decided to leave but this time we exchanged phone numbers.

Talking to Eric made me feel human again and for a few hours I forgot how screwed I was so at least I felt lucky for that.

"You live here?" He had accompanied me until my building and we stopped at the entrance.

"Yeah."

"It's a very good looking building." He said no more and I just shrugged. My old house was beautiful and when Bill and I bought it I thought I'd spend the rest of my days in there. "Do you live alone?"

"No, I live with my best friend. She thought it wouldn't be a good idea for me to live alone so I moved in with her in her apartment and I've been living with her for the last five years." I wasn't sure if he was really interested in what we were talking about or he simply didn't want to be the first to say goodbye.

"Well, it's getting late and I should go." I nodded but did not move. "Can I call you tomorrow?" And I nodded again. For the first time in a long time I was excited about something. "I'll call you and if you need to talk or anything else…"

"I know, Eric. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

I did not expect him to hug me but he did and instead of feeling uncomfortable I felt an unexpected but welcome warmth.

"Good night, Sookie."

"Good night, Eric."

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	6. No Crazy Sex, No Alcohol

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**It's been a long time since my last update for this story but I've been working on my others and I promise to update as soon as possible. Meanwhile I post this new chapter and hope you enjoy it.**

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><p><strong>No Crazy Sex, No Alcohol<strong>

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><p><strong>Eric POV<strong>

Talking to Sookie that first night made me feel that I wasn't alone, that someone else could understand exactly how I felt, the pain and suffering and I knew there was hope for me.

It had spent almost a month since we met and I loved spending time with her even though I hadn't talked about her with Pam. I felt by the time I wanted to keep the secret, not because it was something bad, quite the opposite, but I wanted to think that my time with Sookie was just mine.

"I've never been here for dinner but it is a beautiful place." Sookie was beautiful although our relationship was very different from other people around us in the restaurant. "Although I feel everyone is looking at me." No wonder. Whenever Sookie and I were together I realized how the rest of men looked at her, like they were willing to eat her alive.

"That's because you're beautiful." I said no more. Sookie smiled sweetly at me because she had gotten used to me saying it but the first time I felt like a complete idiot for making her feel uncomfortable. "Enough," she whispered, grinning, "you'll get me to blush like a teen." And I didn't care about it because seeing colour in her cheeks meant that at least she felt comfortable with me.

"The other day a man tried to flirt with me in a bookstore." Sookie was smiling but I wasn't amused at all. I wasn't sure why it bothered me so much, we did not have that kind of relationship, but it still made my blood boil. "He was pretty friendly and wanted to buy me a coffee but I couldn't." Suddenly there was sadness in her eyes and I hated seeing her like that. "I know it's absurd 'cause it was just a coffee but I was unable to, as if something inside me was telling me that it was wrong. You know, I've experienced that feeling many times."

"You shouldn't feel guilty." I wanted to say something much more different but we were friends and I had to make her feel better although I was burning inside. "He would be crazy not to try and flirt you." She looked at me for a second and then away. Would it be possible that I was starting feeling more than friendship for Sookie Stackhouse?

"I think I'm not ready for that yet," and although I was glad to hear her answer I must admit that I felt like a jerk about it. I was her friend and I would wish the best for her but the fact that one day she could have a date with another man drove me insane. "Actually, I don't know if I ever will be. It's something very important to me, y'know, and…I don't know, sometimes relationships are complicated and there's a lot to tell about my life and perhaps that person is not ready to accept it all, don't you think?" Although I had heard every word that left her sensual lips, I was unable to react until Sookie put her hand over mine. "Eric, are you okay?"

"Yeah, perfectly. Sorry, I think I've lost myself in my own thoughts for a minute." If I had told the same thing to any other woman she would probably have thrown her glass of wine at my face but Sookie just smiled and nodded slightly. "Yeah, I've noticed." She said while taking a bite of her dinner.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me tonight."

"Never mind," and she smiled at me again. "I've barely stopped talking so…"

"I like listening you talk," I cut her off. "Guess you're making more progress with Felicia than me."

"Why do you say that?" She asked me confused. "I'm sure you are also making great progress, I mean, you're looking much better and less pale since you leave the house for the day." I couldn't help to laugh when I heard her. It was just a month and we were the two most bitter and lonely people in New York and not even in my better dreams I'd have imagined sitting in a fancy restaurant with the most incredible woman I had met. "Also, I notice how women look at you, Eric Northman, so don't tell me you haven't realized." Realize? I hadn't even noticed any of them since Sookie Stackhouse came into my life.

"No, not true." Sookie put her fork down and took a sip of water. "Are you kidding, Eric?" Her eyes were so wide that I could see clearly the incredible shade of blue staring at me. "If you haven't realized then you're blinder than I thought. You're a very attractive man, you're handsome, charming and funny, what woman wouldn't notice you?" Precisely the one in front of me. Why couldn't I stop thinking about her? Why every thought of mine was directed at her? It made no sense because I only knew her for a month and it was crazy. "But I wouldn't like losing my best friend for another woman." She said no more and I was about to stay with my mouth hanging open. What did that mean? Would be possible for Sookie to feel the same as me? But then I realized she had used the word 'friend' and that was a direct stab into my heart.

"You'll never lose me, Sookie."

"Hope so." And although it was a embarrass moment for us for a few seconds, we returned to normal soon when Sookie winked at me.

"I've had a great time." We were talking outside of her building and I didn't want to leave. "You know, I enjoy our dinners together more and more and I have to admit that I love spending time with you, Eric." I would love to kiss her but I didn't want to ruin things between us. Sookie may not feel the same as me and somehow I couldn't help feeling guilty about having fun and not thinking on Thalia since Sookie came into my life. "Wanna come up?"

I was completely pale because I was not sure if I had heard her right or it was just my mind playing tricks.

"What?"

"I asked if you wanted to come up." And she smiled sheepishly. "Amelia had a date tonight and she probably won't return until tomorrow morning so if you want to come up and have a coffee…"

"Sure. Yeah, it'd be great."

It was the first time I was in her apartment and although it was small was also very welcoming.

"Nice place."

"Thank you. Ames had it decorated when I came to live with her," and she suddenly was sad. I knew she was remembering why she came to New York in first place. "But she wanted me to feel comfortable so we renewed it a few months after me moving here."

"I really like it."

We were chatting in the living room until the coffee was ready and I felt much more comfortable than in the restaurant. Perhaps it was the fact that we were alone or I had had time to think on what we talked about at dinner but I felt better.

"You know, I have been thinking a lot about going back to Shreveport," and I suddenly didn't feel so sure of myself. "I dunno," and she shrugged, "it's been so long that I left that I can barely remember the life I had there. I left many things behind me when I decided to come to New York and I feel guilty for not having returned."

"Do you want to come back?" I asked as calmly as possible as I could but inside I was praying for her not to go of the city. "I don't know, some days I think about it and realize that New York is not really my home but sometimes I feel there is nothing in Shreveport for me. It's so complicated that gives me headache just thinking about it."

"I would miss you." I said no more and hoped it wasn't too much for her.

"I'd miss you too."

I wasn't sure how it happened but my lips were on hers before I could realize and Sookie's eyes were still closed when I pulled away. I didn't know if it was a good or bad sign but at least she hadn't slapped me.

Yet.

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><p><strong>Sookie POV<strong>

What had happened tonight? At first everything was normal, as always I had gone out to dinner with Eric, but suddenly it seemed that I had no control over my mouth and the words left my lips before I could realize what was happening.

I had never before asked him to come to my house and I hadn't seen his but tonight I didn't think twice and invited him. I knew Amelia had a date and she probably won't back home until the next day so I thought it was a good idea to invite him.

I just wanted to spend more time with him, keep talking and laughing and it had been a long since the last time I was really happy.

Hold on, happy?

Yeah, the truth was that I felt very happy. I wasn't sure when or how happened but I had to admit that meeting Eric Northman was the best thing that had happened to me since I arrived to New York.

And then he kissed me.

God, what could I do? The kiss was amazing; I enjoyed every second that lasted but something inside me was trying to convince me that I was wrong.

"Sookie…I…I'm, I'm sorry…" I didn't know if let him keep talking or cut him off and say it really didn't matter but the truth is I would have lied if I had said it was a mistake.

I had thought of Eric Northman in many ways but I never imagined that he could feel the same way as me. Maybe I was wrong and he just wanted sex to feel better but I had the feeling that this wasn't the case between us.

"Don't apologize, Eric." I whispered and kissed him gently on the lips. What had happened wasn't a mistake, not at all. I wasn't sure what this kiss meant because things would change between us. We couldn't help it.

"Sookie…"

"Don't say anything." I murmured and got up off the couch, holding his hand in mine and walked to my bedroom.

If someone had told me a month ago that I'd be sharing something as intense as it was between Eric and I, I would have thought he was insane, but now I understood what Amelia had been trying to make me look over the past years. I had to keep on with my life, try to live my life in the best way possible but the past would always remain with me.

"Sookie, are you sure…?" But I put my finger on his lips before he could continue talking.

"Listen to me Eric, I want you to listen to me carefully, okay?" I whispered each word slowly while he nodded. "This is not a mistake or a problem, do you understand? We're two human beings who have faced the worst pain a person can experience and we are not doing anything wrong." I wasn't sure which of us I was trying to convince but at least I didn't feel guilty for the first time in years. "I have no doubts about you, Eric, no doubts, but if this is not what you want…"

"I want it, Sookie."

We laid in bed and started kissing, first slowly and then more passionately.

I was letting myself go by the pleasure, feeling every touch and kiss harder than I thought possible. I felt good, I felt complete and when we were naked and felt Eric's weight on me it was like coming home. Something I hadn't experienced for a long time and my whole body seemed to be on fire every time I felt the touch of his skin against mine.

"Do it, Eric, make love to me."

I knew Eric had had problems with sex since his fiancée died and he fucked with any woman he could found but what was between us was very different. I could feel it and even see it in his eyes and I knew there were no second thoughts on his part.

Eric introduced himself inside me and was like liberation. It was something I had been waiting for, a feeling that I hadn't felt in a while and suddenly I realized I had been waiting for someone like Eric. I knew it had to be him because if it had been any other man I would have regretted it immediately, or I'd probably kicked him out of my house.

"Sookie…God…"

"Don't talk, Eric, no need to talk." And I gently stroked his forehead as he continued moving inside me.

The friction was so pleasant that I was sure I wouldn't last more than a couple of minutes before reaching my orgasm. It had been too much time after all and Eric knew it.

"ERIC!" I yelled with all my strength and a few minutes later we came together and Eric collapsed over me for a few seconds before rolling to the other side of the bed. "God, Eric, it's been…" I couldn't really find the words to define it.

"It's been amazing, Sookie."

"Sook! Are you at home?" I jumped off the bed when I heard Amelia's voice. Wasn't she on a date? And Eric seemed to read my mind when he asked me the same question.

"You said she wouldn't return until tomorrow morning," he whispered, but I just shrugged. "What do we do?" I was nervous but I didn't really understand why. I hadn't done anything wrong. "Sookie…"

"I don't know, Eric." I went to the closet and pulled on a robe at full speed. I didn't know what to do because it was as if my mind was completely blank and I was unable to think. "Hey, this isn't a mistake so we don't need to feel guilty, right?"

"Right." Eric answered no more.

"Okay, I'll talk to her and if she asks me I'll tell her that you're here. Nothing's gonna happen."

"Of course not, Sookie."

"Will you wait for me?" I asked and I felt like a fool a second later. Of course he would wait because he was in my home and naked in my bed. Where would he go? "I'll be right back."

"Sookie, wait."

"What is it?" And when I turned around to face him he quickly kissed me on the lips. It was the sweetest kiss I ever received and I couldn't help smiling like a fool when I left the bedroom.

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	7. I Can Fuck Who I Want

**Hello there, birds!**

**I just finished this new chapter and really hope you like this new one, 'cause it was fun and easy to write. Thanks to all of you for the lovely reviews and already waiting for more.**

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><p><strong>I Can Fuck Who I Want<strong>

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><p><strong>Eric POV<strong>

I could not believe Sookie and I had made love, because after the first kiss I thought she'd slap me or say it was a mistake because we were friends but the result wasn't what I expected.

I enjoyed every second that her body was next to mine, her hands caressing my skin, her soft sweet lips kissing me like there was no tomorrow and I didn't want it to end, ever. I couldn't imagine spending a moment away from her and I began to think that everything was going too fast but I wasn't scared. I wasn't at all, but I couldn't help feeling guilty, like I had done something wrong or was betraying Thalia in some way. I knew I wasn't doing it because she would have wanted me to be happy.

I hoped when Sookie realized what had happened between us, kicked me out of her house telling me what had happened was a mistake but she just smiled at me and asked if I would wait for her. Of course I would wait, I was at her home after all, but it was not just that. For the first time in a long time sex wasn't meaningless and I had feeling beyond pleasure and I was being able to feel again. Sookie and I…I didn't even have words to describe it but there was something special between us and I hoped she thought the same way.

If a month ago someone had told me that I was going to meet a person as special as Sookie Stackhouse, I wouldn't probably believed him, but things had changed a lot in a short time. I was so close to her that I even thought about what might happen between us in the future. But was there a future for us? I hoped so.

I heard voices outside the bedroom, probably Sookie talking to her friend, so I started to get dressed. I thought to wait for her in the room anyway, but it seemed a good idea to put on some clothes. I didn't want her friend to walk into the room suddenly and see me naked.

I didn't want to hear what was going on but I couldn't help catching a few words, and I no longer felt so good. Her friend, I think her name was Amelia, was saying that it wasn't a good idea that we spent so much time together, but Sookie answered her over and over again that I wasn't a stranger with whom she had slept.

I didn't know what to do. Go out of the bedroom and face the reality or remain in the shadows and leave Sookie alone? Leaving her out there alone made me feel like a coward but I was not sure if she wanted me to come out to help her. After all she told me what had happened between us wasn't a mistake, so she wouldn't really need my help to explain to her friend what was going on. But, however, a part of me wanted to go out and make it clear to Amelia that I wasn't a creepy guy who was taking advantage of the situation.

But what was I? Sookie and I hadn't defined our relationship beyond the mere fact that we were friends, good friends, but friends after all. Were we more now? Obviously we weren't joined by a friendship anymore because I didn't have that kind of relation with my friends.

So I made a choice; I wouldn't sit in that bed any longer, listening bullshit.

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><p><strong>Sookie POV<strong>

"Amelia, you're taking things out of proportion, okay? You have no idea what's between Eric and me, but I don't think it's any of your business." I hated talking to her in that way but we were friends and she had no right to interfere in my life like she was doing it.

"Sook, I love you, but I don't like you to sleep with a man you barely know." Barely know him? Yeah, perhaps only a month had passed since I met him, but things between Eric and me were very different. Our relationship was much deeper than she could imagine so she had no idea what she was talking about. "What do you know about him?"

"Ames, I know him, that's all that matters." Obviously I put aside the part where Eric and I shared a therapist, but I shouldn't have felt guilty for having told her it, either. "Hey, I love you and I love that you worry about me, Amelia, but I'm fine. I know Eric and I assure you that nothing's wrong is gonna happen, okay? So stop thinking about it."

"This is a mistake, Sookie, he's using you."

Just then I heard the bedroom door opened and closed my eyes knowing that it wasn't going to end well.

Eric was beside me before I could open them and I could feel his body against mine, he was fully clothed while I was still wearing my robe, but I didn't care.

"I'm not using her. You don't even know me and…"

"Exactly!" Amelia cut him off. "I don't know you, that's the reality. I know nothing about you, Sookie just told me a couple of things, and I don't trust you. My best friend is going through a bad time and I don't think you're going to be able to help her. It's what I think."

"Ames…" I started to say but Eric stopped me. "Sookie, I should go maybe."

"You don't have to go, Eric." And when I looked at Amelia she was avoiding me. "Ames, Eric is going to stay tonight and I hope there are no more problems. This isn't just sex, you understand? I should have to give explanations but I'm still doing it, do you know why?" She just shook her head but didn't look into my eyes. "Because you're my best friends, you always take care of me and I love you for it, but right now I need you to let me do things my way, okay?" I waited a few seconds until Amelia nodded and then I took Eric's hand and we returned to my bedroom.

"Are you okay?" He asked me as soon as I closed the door. "Maybe I shouldn't have said anything…"

"It wasn't your fault, Eric." I said no more. And it hadn't been. He had been a perfect gentleman the whole time we knew each other, so the fact that he was trying to take the blame for it wasn't right. "Amelia and I have had problems since I came to live to New York, long before I met you," I assured him while I was stroking his cheek, "so I don't want you to think for a second that this is your fault, okay?"

"But…"

"I said it wasn't your fault," and put a finger on his lips to prevent him of saying it again. "Hey, I was serious about you to stay tonight."

"Sookie, I don't know if it's a good idea…"

"We don't have to do anything, okay? But I would like you to stay to sleep because I can't forget your kisses, Eric." I didn't realize how girly I was being until I heard myself and sat Eric smiling slightly. I wanted to hide in his arms but he just put them around me and we remained standing there for a few minutes.

"Are you sure you want me to stay?" He whispered in my ear but I just nodded. "I don't think Amelia was going to be very comfortable if she sees me here in the morning, I don't want to cause you problems with her."

"Eric, I want you to stay." I muttered firmly.

We went back to lie in bed, but this time Eric just took off his jacket and shirt. I said to him that he'd be more comfortable without his pants but he didn't buy it. Not that I was going to attack him or anything, but since I had seen him naked I couldn't stop thinking about his glorious body.

We kissed for a few minutes, like a couple of teenagers, until I was the first to fall asleep in the comfort of his arms. I found it almost impossible to stay away from him, and although it was too soon to talk of something more serious, I knew that somehow, my feelings toward Eric had changed a lot.

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><p><strong>Eric POV<strong>

"Where the fuck were you, Eric?" It was the first thing I heard when I came home in the morning.

I had spent all night with Sookie, and was the best of my life, but the reality was very different when I ran face to face with my sister. "I was worried, where have you been?"

"I went out to dinner." I said no more.

"And you're back now?" She asked with sarcasm in her voice. "Come on Eric, use a better excuse." I really didn't have to invent excuses because I was grown man and wasn't the first time I passed the night away from home. Why I suddenly felt like I was sixteen again and my parents were asking me for explanation? "Eric, I'm waiting."

"Keep waiting then, Pam." And I went straight to the bathroom to take a shower. I did not want to take off Sookie's scent, but a shower would be the best to clear my head.

When I left the bathroom I found my sister in the living room and there was fire in her eyes. I was sure if looks could kill I'd be dead and buried.

"What is it?" I asked no more. Actually it didn't matter that I had spent all night out, but I think what was bothering Pam was that I didn't even have an excuse. "Eric, I called you several times last night and you didn't return a single one of my calls. Where were you?"

"I was having dinner with Sookie, I had my cell phone turned off and didn't realized, that's all." I was about to leave to the bedroom to get dressed because I was just wearing a towel around my waist. "I don't think it has more importance, Pam, and I don't understand that you are so angry."

Pam snorted and stood up. "I'm pissed because I thought you were back at it again, that's the reason." I suddenly felt like a cretin. I thought Pam was mad because I didn't return her calls, not because she was worried for me. "Well, I'm fine, okay? I just went out to dinner."

"And you spent the rest of the night by yourself?" I knew what she was doing, she was fishing for details. "Come on, if you spent the night with her you can tell me, Eric."

"That's not your business." And I closed the bedroom door behind me.

I loved my sister with all my heart, but she kept getting into my life and I suddenly realized what Sookie must have felt last night when Amelia questioned her in the living room. If Sookie and I was just sleeping together was our business, but it seemed to be two people who disagreed with that decision. I was beginning to get tired of having to give explanations, but when I left the bedroom, fully clothed, Pam was still there, pacing back and forth, and with a cigarette in her hand.

"Don't you know these things kill?" I said as I took it off of her hand and threw it in her glass. "You know I only smoke when I'm stressed, and I was until a few hours ago."

"Well, no need for you to keep smoking," and I took the lighter off her hand, "especially at my home, you know I hate the smell of it." I had been a smoker but I stopped when I met Thalia, and although she was not with me anymore, I never wanted to start smoking again.

"How was your night?" After the brawl, and the sermon, what the least I expected it, but she asked me for my night. "Don't look at me like that, I'm curious." I sat down on the couch and sighed heavily as I recalled that I had spent an amazing night with Sookie.

"It was great."

"Great?" And I knew she wouldn't give up until I gave her more details. I wasn't really going to tell her much because it wasn't her business, but I couldn't stop grinning like an idiot. "Eric, I saw that smile on your face too many times to know that it was more than great. I'm your sister, you can tell me."

"That's why I don't want to tell you anything. It's weird, Pam." Maybe it wasn't for her but it was for me. Talking about sex with my sister had the same meaning for me than talking about sex with my parents. It would awkward, weird and…actually I preferred not to think about it. "We had dinner, spent some time talking and then went to her home."

"And?" She urged me to keep talking but I wouldn't say anything else.

"And we spent the night together, and before you keep asking me questions I'll tell you something." And I stared at her until she realized that I was serious. "I won't tell you anything else, okay? I don't care you ask me a million questions because I won't say a word."

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><p><strong>Sookie POV<strong>

"Good morning," I said cheerfully when I walked into the kitchen but Amelia just greeted me with a whisper. "Ames, if you're gonna be pissed off at me for a long time at least you could tell me, because I'm in a good mood and I don't want anything to spoil my moment."

"I'm not pissed off, Sookie."

"Great, 'cause for a moment I thought otherwise." I poured myself a cup of coffee and left the room. I loved having breakfast while enjoying the view, and not even Amelia and her bad mood was going to upset me.

"Aren't we going to talk about what happened last night?" She asked me from the kitchen and I closed my eyes for a second while breathing deeply. "Ames, I don't think it was something so terrible, okay?"

"Sookie, you had sex with him."

"Yes, I did!" I couldn't help it. Amelia did not stop talking about it as something bad but I didn't see it in the same way. Eric and I had sex last night, yes, and it was amazing. I hadn't enjoyed so much in bed in my whole life and I felt good about it. Was I going to apologize? "Hey, I know maybe it was hard for you to see me with Eric but I assure you that I wasn't drunk, you know I've stopped drinking, and what I did was because I wanted to. Eric did not force me to anything, so stop thinking that was a mistake."

"Sook, I just want the best for you."

"Then stop telling me what I should or not do." I hated myself for talking to her in that way but Amelia had to begin to understand that I was the owner of my own life. "It's been five years, Amelia, five years and it's been like being trapped in a nightmare I couldn't wake up from. I know Sarah won't be back, my little girl won't be back," and I began sobbing but I breathed deeply, not wanting to let myself go by sadness. "I have accepted it, Amelia. After all this time I have learned to live with it and now I just want to go on with my life, that's all. You may think that Eric's a stranger, but he's not for me. He's a very special person, Ames, and I would like you could eventually see him in the same way I do."

"I know Bill hurt you…"

"Bill cheated on me!" My husband, from whom I had been blindly in love, cheated on me, and the worst of all was that I never knew the truth until he died.

"Sookie, what are you talking about?" Amelia was as surprised as me when I heard it for the first time.

"No one knows it, Amelia, but Bill, my perfect husband and father of my daughter, the man everyone envied him for having a wife who loved him and a beautiful daughter, was nothing but a liar." If I was going to tell the truth to my best friend, I wanted to remember every detail. "Everyone thought he was a good man, and he pretended to be throughout his whole life, but he fooled us all."

"Sookie, it doesn't matter now…"

"It does matter to me!" After all, Bill was the father of my daughter, he gave me what I most loved in the world, but I couldn't forget that he behaved like a cheating bastard. "I will always think of Sarah," and I touched the pendant I was always wearing with her name and date of birth, "but I won't think about Bill Compton anymore." In fact, I got rid of his surname when I learned the truth. It was barely two months since his death but I was so pissed off at him that it was the only way I found to hurt him.

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><p><strong>I really hope you enjoy this new chapter and you just know what to do to make me happy, hit the big button and leave me a lovely review.<strong>

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	8. Leave Me Be, I Know I Can Do It

**Hi there!**

**Another update of this story, I hope you liked the last chapter 'cause this one is about present and past. Hope you like and waiting sucks, I'm sure you already know what I mean.**

**:)**

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><p><strong>Leave Me Be, I Know I Can Do It<strong>

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><p><strong>Sookie POV<strong>

**Five Years Ago**

"Baby, I need to talk to Dad alone for a moment, okay?" I said to Sarah as I left her in the living room with the TV on. "Honey, I want you to stay here watching TV until I get back, okay?"

"Okay, Mommy."

"Good girl," I gave her a quick kiss on her forehead and left but not before looking back again to make sure she was entertained with cartoons. I didn't want Sarah to hear us arguing, because it was probably what would happen, but I was tired of secrets and lies.

I walked into our bedroom and Bill was finishing getting ready for work. The travel season seemed to have finished now, but I wasn't sure of anything anymore. He had told me the same story so many times and I began to see clearly what was going on.

"I need to get your car today, baby, I had to leave mine in the shop but it'll be only be a couple of days." He was standing there so quiet, as if he wasn't aware that he was cheating me. Did he really think that I was so stupid? "I have a couple of meetings with various departments so I'll go to eat something quick with the colleagues and I'm not sure if I'll come to dinner."

"You're not sure?" I asked quietly. I wanted to slap him and tell him that I wasn't a fool he could still cheat on. "See Bill, I've been thinking about many things in the last few weeks and I have many conclusions, you know that I think things a lot," and he chuckled, "but there's something I can't stop thinking about."

"What is it?" He was putting his jacket on and I knew that I wouldn't have much more time before he said he had to leave. "Sookie, are you okay?"

"No, Bill, I am not okay." I wasn't at all. Was he really such a coward for not telling me the truth? Would he continue with the lies as if nothing had happened? "You forgot your watch." I said no more and when he looked toward his nightstand he realized that it wasn't there. "Or maybe not," and I showed him what I was holding in my hand. "See, at first I thought I was crazy or I was imagining things but then I realized what was happening."

"And what's happening, Sookie? 'Cause I assure you that I have no idea what you're talking about." But he was lying. Bill and I weren't married a long time but I knew him perfectly. He kept swallowing, and his face was paler than usual. "I think you're pissed off because I work too much and…"

"Don't fuck me with me, Bill Compton!" I yelled and prayed Sarah hadn't heard a word. I breathed deeply a few times and decided that screaming was not going to solve anything. "Don't you dare tell me how to feel because you have no right. This watch," and threw it on the bed, "it's not the one I gifted you."

He dared to laugh at me. "All this for a watch?" He chuckled and I wanted to hit him with all my strength. "Sookie, hey, sorry, I lost the watch you gave me and bought another one like the first, that's all."

"What about the inscription?"

He smiled a little and looked at me like I was completely insane. "I forgot about it. Sorry, but it's not a big deal, okay? You are losing your mind about this and I don't understand why."

"Who the fuck is Selah?" I spat the words, and especially the name of that bitch that was fucking my husband. "And you better tell me the truth, Bill Compton, 'cause I'm not stupid. I know you have an affair, or maybe more than one, I don't really care." I didn't care at all, I just wanted to worry about my daughter and myself. "I want you out of this house, Bill, as soon as possible." I uttered every word calmly so he couldn't tell that I was getting myself go by my emotions. "I'll take Sarah with me tomorrow morning and we'll spend the day together so that'll give you time to take your things with you before we get back. I can send you the rest to your new address."

"Sookie…" he muttered but I couldn't look at his face. "Are you really going to do this?" It was as if he had waited a long time for this. He wasn't mad or nervous, he was as calm as ever. "We are a family, you, Sarah and I, all three together."

"We are no longer a family, Bill! Do you want to know why?" He didn't even have time to nod. "We were a family and we could have continued being one, but you've ruined everything." I had no strength to go mad at him because the feeling of disappointment was much stronger. "I loved you, Bill, I loved you with all my heart but you have played with it and you've destroyed it. Yes, you broke my heart into million pieces and I can't feel anything anymore."

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><p><strong>Present<strong>

"Guess when Sarah and Bill died I wanted to think that my husband didn't really cheat on me." I told Felicia while she listened patiently. "So I braced my all my heart that picture." I was referring the one that was on my bedside table. "But every time I look at it, I don't see Bill anymore 'cause I just can see my little girl," and the tears began flooding my eyes, "and I realize that I won't see her again. Sarah won't grow up, won't go to high school and not fall in love for the first time. I won't be there for her when she can't stop mourning for her first love breaks her little heart. I won't be able to do any of that because I am a mother without a daughter." I tried to hold back the tears but Felicia simply gave me a Kleenex and I clutched it tightly into my hands. "Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night 'cause I hear her mourning and get up and run out of bed and leave the bedroom, but that's when I realize it's not my house and I'm not hearing Sarah crying."

"Sookie, I know talking about this is pretty hard for you, but you're doing great." Felicia seemed to be much more positive than me. Yeah, I was smiling again thanks to Eric, but the pain for Sarah would be always present in my life. "Sookie, do you have a picture of Sarah here?"

"Sure." I always had pictures of my daughter with me, it was my way of remembering that I had a life long ago and I was happy.

"Did she always have a smile on her lips?" She asked me grinning and I just could nod. "She was beautiful and she had your eyes."

"I know." I whispered, sobbing. My girl was gorgeous. Yes, it was all parents said about their children, but I was sure Sarah would have been a beauty. The boys would probably have fought and gone crazy for her, but now none of that would happen. "Do you think I'll ever be able to look at her pictures without mourning or feel it was my fault?"

"Sookie, what happened wasn't your fault. You could not control it."

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><p><strong>Five Years Ago<strong>

"So, Daddy is not going to live with us anymore?" My daughter was very smart for her age and understood the situation perfectly.

"That's right, honey." I bent down to look at her eyes. "But don't worry about anything, okay? Daddy will continue playing with you and see you all the time, what do you think?" Although I hated Bill with all my strength, I would never have deprived him of his daughter. Our problems couldn't affect Sarah.

I left Sarah at school and didn't leave until I saw her come in and waved goodbye to me at the door with a big smile on her face. It was our tradition and I loved that she was always able to smile, despite everything.

But my day did not improve. After leaving Sarah at school I had to meet with my lawyer and Bill. We agreed that Sarah would spend a weekend with each of us, and Bill could come to see her whenever he wanted but had to call first.

My attorney, Daphne Landry, was one of the best in Shreveport, and I was glad I made the right decision choosing her.

"Sookie, don't worry, I've been talking to his lawyer and Bill agrees with everything. We won't have problems." I was fully confident in her, and if I hadn't to think on Sarah, it wouldn't have mattered to me what Bill wanted to get from our divorce. "He won't get anything."

"He has the right to be with Sarah." I said no more. I knew Daphne wanted to get everything from him, but I didn't care. "I just want Sarah to be happy and she loves her father, the rest doesn't matter to me."

"All right, Sookie."

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><p><strong>Present<strong>

"Are you okay?" Eric asked me while we were sitting on the couch at his home watching TV. "You're very quiet, are you worried about something?"

I looked at him and saw genuine concern in his eyes. "I'm fine, I was just thinking on my last session with Felicia." I hadn't stopped thinking about it for the past two days, because it was the first time I talked completely about Sarah. "It was harder than before."

"What did you talk about?"

"Sarah." I had told Eric the whole story, and he cried and cried at the same time as me. He was so affected that I felt good to share everything with him as he had done with me about Thalia. "She even asked me to show her a picture of Sarah." Eric raised an eyebrow but said nothing. "At first I thought I couldn't talk about her, not even tell her how smart and funny she was, but then I thought about that it was a good way to share my feelings. I had to start remembering her otherwise, you know, not only in my mind and the memories. Speaking of Sarah with Felicia was…it was hard, yes, but also made me feel better."

"Felicia also made me talk about Thalia." And I looked surprised at him.

"And did you feel better about it?"

Eric simply shrugged but I knew he was going to keep talking so I waited for him to.

"I'm not sure." Maybe that kind of therapy did not work for everyone, maybe talking about Thalia did not help Eric. "When she died I refused to talk about her with others, even with my sister." Pam could be brutally honest, but at least she always spoke her mind. "I felt if I spoke of her or what happened, everything would come true and I realized that I wouldn't see her again. I couldn't accept the fact that she had gone, in a moment she was gone, vanished like the air, and I couldn't do anything to help her."

"Eric, it's not possible you still feel guilty about something you couldn't control, do you really think you could have done something about it?" A drunk driver killed her. That was something nobody could have been avoided. "I'm sorry, it's not really my business and we shouldn't keep talking about it."

Neither of us said anything for a few minutes, we just remained sitting side by side in silence.

"Would you like some ice cream?" He asked, smiling slightly and I couldn't help but feel better now.

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><p><strong>Five Years Ago<strong>

"How are you?" A week earlier Bill left home and was the first weekend he came to pick Sarah.

"I'm fine." I said no more. Bill did not look well, but that was not my business anymore. "Where are you living?"

"I rented an apartment downtown, has two rooms so Sarah will have her own bedroom." I didn't know what else to talk about, but I didn't want to close the door on his face. "There hasn't been any other one."

"What?" I had no idea what he was talking about.

"It was only with Selah."

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><p><strong>Present<strong>

"But it was a lie," I said as we sat on a bench while having ice cream. "It wasn't only with Selah. After his death I discovered there were others. A waitress called Dawn, a single mother, Arlene," and couldn't help chuckling at the ridiculous of the situation. "He cheated on me with a woman who had two kids, why did he that?"

"I don't know, Sook." I wasn't really looking for an answer 'cause I knew I wouldn't find it, but at least I needed someone else, besides Amelia, knew the truth about Bill Compton.

"And Lorena." I said her name through clenched teeth because that was the worst. "Lorena Krassiki was my gynaecologist, the person who took care of welcome my baby girl to the world, and now I can't stop thinking that perhaps they were seeing each other before or after I gave birth." I was pissed, very pissed while I was remembering everything. "I…I don't know what to believe 'cause he cheated on me with four women and he had the nerve to look me in the eye and say it was only with Selah."

"He doesn't deserve you keep thinking about it," Eric said no more. I wasn't really waiting for an answer, but maybe Eric couldn't help himself. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that.

"No, Eric. You're right, Bill Compton died that night with my daughter, but for me he died a long time ago."

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><p><strong>Eric POV<strong>

**Before The Accident**

"It's a work trip, Eric, I have to go." Thalia had repeated the same thing over and over again, but I still didn't like the idea. "My boss chose me personally to handle this, why can't you understand it?"

"Because it's a road trip, you'll be on the road more than eight hours, that's the reason, Thalia!" I didn't like to argue with her, much less yell at her, but I couldn't help it. "I don't care about the trip, you know that, I know it's important to you because it's your job, but a road trip? It's insane."

"It's my job, Eric," she said firmly. "I need you to understand."

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><p><strong>Present<strong>

"Pam wants to have dinner together, the four of us, tomorrow night." I told Sookie while we were in bed. I wasn't sure it was the best time to tell her, especially after sex, but I couldn't help it. I was running out of time.

"Really?" She leaned on one elbow and looked me in the eye. She was surprised, I couldn't blame her for it, but not mad. "Amelia, too?"

"So she said." I was surprised my sister would like to meet Sookie further, but her best friend? "Hey, if it's too much for you I can tell her that we're not ready and…"

"No," she replied whispering but firmly. "I think it's about time."

"Are you sure, Sookie?" I didn't want to force her, unlike my sister, but I wasn't sure the four of us having dinner together was a good idea. Pam would probably start with the uncomfortable questions, I would glare at her every time she opened her mouth, and Amelia would say to me that I was only taking advantage of her best friend.

"You're not sure, Eric? 'Cause it's a decision we must take both of us." I knew if I told Sookie that I didn't want to go to this dinner she would support me one hundred percent, but I felt that was important for Pam. "Let's do it." I said no more and jumped into the void without knowing what to expect.

And so the next night we were having dinner the four of us. Pam, of course, chose the restaurant, and I was glad that at least it was a normal place, and not one of those hot spots that seemed to be overcrowded.

"I'm glad we're all together," it was my sister who broke the ice. "Because I believe we have much to talk, don't you agree?"

Suddenly I felt like my mother was scolding me for something I had done, as if I was a teenager again, but this time I had no reason to feel guilty.

"Pam, Amelia," I began talking because Sookie did not seem ready to pronounce a word, "the truth is very simple, okay? Sookie and I are together, you two may think it's not good for your own reasons, but that's not our business," and held Sookie's hand on the table, "but we are two adults and we can do whatever we want." I didn't know if my words would have any effect on them, but at least I had to try. "I would like to know if we'll at least have your approval."

"Eric…" my sister began saying but I cut her off.

"I don't expect you to understand, Pam," and I looked at Amelia too, "but I love Sookie. I'm in love with her." Three pairs of eyes turned to mine, but I could only focus on Sookie and the expression on her face.

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><p><strong>I really, really hope you've enjoyed this new chapter and I'll be waiting for your reviews. Let me know what you think of this chapter.<strong>

**Have a nice weekend!**

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	9. He Loves Me

_**Hi there!**_

_**I can't even remember the last time I updated this story but I've working on it, I promise. :)**_

_**I have to say that just one chapter is left for this story. I wanted it to be a short one and I think 10 chapters is perfect for it.**_

_**Thanks for reading and reviewing.**_

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><p><strong>He Loves Me<strong>

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><p><strong>Sookie POV<strong>

I stood there with my mouth hanging open, literally, and it seemed that my brain refused to work. I didn't know what to say or if I should say something, but Eric did not let go my hand at any moment.

I always imagined when a person told another that he loved her for the first time it would be in a much more romantic and intimate situation, not in the middle of a restaurant in front of two people who obviously thought we were insane.

Amelia looked as surprised as me – which was difficult 'cause she was pretty hard to surprise – but it was the expression on Pam's face what worried me. I could barely be sure what she was thinking or the reaction she would have when she realized what her brother had said, but I didn't want the dinner ruined for something that Eric had said and he hadn't thought a lot.

"I think I gotta go to the restrooms," Pam said as she rose from the table.

"I'll go with you." Amelia added and seconds later we were alone, not knowing quite well what to say.

I wasn't sure if Eric was waiting for me to tell him that I loved him too or saying nothing at all, but the silence was too uncomfortable to keep with my mouth closed.

"Eric, I…" our hands were still united but I was unable to look into his eyes. I didn't want to see his reaction because I myself wasn't sure what I was trying to say. "I think it was too much for them," I added as a pathetic excuse to buy time. "I…Eric, you and I…"

"Sookie," for the first time I looked into his eyes and saw that he wasn't mad at me, "I don't care if you don't feel the same because I had to tell you and…and maybe it wasn't the best moment with your friend and my sister in the same table with us, but I couldn't help it." He stroked my hand gently and I smiled shyly at him. "You have become the most important person in my life, Sookie, and until very recently I thought that I'd never be grateful for being alive, but I am. I am grateful for having met you, for being brave enough to talk to you that first time and be able to overcome the pain and fear." His words were so sweet and deep-felt that I wanted to cry but I didn't want to ruin the moment. "With you I've been able to face things that Felicia didn't think I could do, you understand? And at first I thought we were only supporting each other like a couple of good friends, Sook, but we both know that we are much more than that. I'm not just talking about sex, which is amazing by the way, I'm talking about everything else. I feel good with you, I feel loved and…fuck!" He exclaimed chuckling while some people around us looked surprised. "I'm in love with you, Sookie Stackhouse, I am in love like a fucking schoolgirl and I'd do anything you asked me right now."

Now that was a fucking declaration of love, so I did not think twice before kissing him passionately without caring at all that we had public. I was enjoying the moment, Eric was right, I had never before felt so good in my life.

"What the hell are you two doing?" I heard Pam's voice when our lips were still touching but none of us moved. "Eric, Sookie, are you two insane?"

Eric was about to answer but I was faster than him.

"No, Pam. We're not insane – at least not too much – we're just two people who are in love." I said no more in the most natural way possible and I looked at Eric's eyes. "That's right, Eric Northman, I love you and I am in love with you." Suddenly I didn't care what Pam and Amelia might think, I just wanted to be with Eric knowing we'd have a future together.

We left the restaurant before dessert, giving Pam and Amelia thanks for the dinner but there was no reason for them to be worried about us 'cause we were good and wanted to have time to be alone, talk seriously about our relationship and decided the best way to move on.

"I'm sure they're still amazed by what happened," I laughed as we walked down the street. I couldn't stop jumping and laughing like a schoolgirl in love, but it was exactly how I felt. "God, Amelia's face was priceless, I don't think she's going to be able to sleep tonight." I thought I'd feel guilty for having betrayed her somehow, but I was happy and in love and I couldn't ask for anything more. "And your sister…"

"Pam will be fine," Eric said firmly as if he was trying to make sure there would be no problems. "I know at first she'll think that I'm crazy but I promise you that she'll eventually accept it."

"You think so?" I was a little worried that we didn't get along but a bad relationship with Pam wouldn't mean that I had to break up with Eric. "I would like her to be able to accept ours," I said seriously, "because it's important to me but not as important. I wanna be with you, Eric, I realized that I wanted this for a long time and your declaration in the restaurant has been what opened my eyes."

"I love you, Sookie Stackhouse."

I blushed at the words because after all had happened over the last five years I never expected to hear those words again.

"I love you too, Eric Northman."

I felt so good to say it that somehow I knew things would go very well for us. I wasn't sure why – or whether it was some kind of premonition – but I knew for the first time in a long time that everything would be perfectly fine.

* * *

><p><strong>Eric POV<strong>

Listening Sookie utter the words "I love you" directed at me was the best feeling in the world and the perfect culmination to a weird and romantic night, even in the presence of Amelia and my sister. I didn't mind at all because Sookie made me the happiest man on Earth when she told me that she was in love with me.

She is in love with me!

"Eric…" she whispered from bed. We had come back to my apartment because Sookie told me she didn't want to go to her home to hear a speech from her best friend. "What are you doing? Come with me, I feel very alone in this huge bed." Big man, big bed.

I had to get up to drink water because the sex marathon since we arrived hadn't stopped at any time, and I was exhausted. My little Sookie was insatiable.

"Sorry, I was thinking about everything that happened tonight," I said as I got into bed and she snuggled automatically next to me. "I was so worried and scared that all was too much for you. I couldn't sleep last night thinking about what I'd do if you rejected me or told me that I was crazy, but part of me was completely convinced that you wouldn't." I was stroking her back and the softness of her skin made me feel good and relaxed.

"Were you so sure?" She asked teasing me and I couldn't restrain a smile spreading on my lips. "Maybe I should have said that I wasn't ready to say the words, that would have taught you a lesson."

"Oh yeah?" Now it was me who was teasing her. "You would have been unable, Stackhouse, I assure you. No woman is born to be able to resist Eric Northman's charms, I'm convinced."

Sookie couldn't stop laughing and I loved her doing it. After so long and so much pain, we were able to laugh again.

"Wow, I can't believe you have an ego so big, Eric Northman." And she kept laughing. "But you shouldn't be sure of yourself about me, 'cause you could be surprised." I looked at her arching an eyebrow but Sookie closed her mouth and didn't say another word.

"You'll think they try to convince us that we're making a mistake?" I hated to be the one ruining the mood between us, but we still had to think of two people who didn't seem very happy with us right now. I looked at Sookie but she was just staring at the ceiling.

"I dunno, maybe they just need some time to get used to it," she murmured unconvinced. "But we're not two kids, Eric." She turned her head and looked into my eyes with a sweet smile. "We are two adults who have gone through too much pain and disgusting things and it's not bad that we want to be happy, do you understand? No matter what others may think 'cause we should only worry about what we think." She sat up and leaned on her elbow. "You think I care what other people believe?" She asked with a chuckle. "I tell you that I stopped worrying about that a long time ago, even hen I was married and many of my friends told me that my husband was not a good person, and it turns out they were right." Suddenly the sadness seemed to break into her face, but I knew that feeling wasn't caused by her dead husband. "I didn't realize until much later and I thought they just wanted to hurt me 'cause they were not as happy as me. Bill Compton was a pig, I knew that later, but I got Sarah from him and I wouldn't change that ever. I'd even be willing to marry him a thousand times if the result was to have Sarah in my arms." I couldn't believe how generous and sacrificial Sookie Stackhouse could be. She wouldn't mind at all sacrificing her happiness for her daughter and was at times like these that I couldn't help feeling sad because I would never meet Sarah.

"But I've learned that I can't change the past, Eric, I have to learn to live with all that has happened to me in my life, and although it is painful and unpleasant, I won't stop remember it 'cause it's part of who I am," she said as she put her hand on her heart, "and I won't ever forget."

I kissed her softly and fell asleep within minutes, with me holding her tightly against my chest.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Hope you've enjoyed this chapter and I'll be working on the final to close this story once and for all. It's been a long trip and I hope you like it.<em>**

**_Thanks a lot for reading and your opinions, you are all great._**

**_Have a nice weekend!_**


	10. Epilogue

_**Well, this is the last chapter of this fic. I know it's been a long time since my last update but I wanted it to be special and a happy ending, hope to have managed it.**_

_**Thanks a lot for supporting this story, and I really hope you all liked.**_

_**:)**_

* * *

><p><strong>Epilogue<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Sookie POV<strong>

I opened my eyes quickly when I heard noises through the baby monitor we had on the nightstand.

"Eric," I nudged him slightly but he didn't move. "Eric." I said, raising my voice but he was snoring. "Eric!" And he finally opened his eyes.

"What is it?" He asked confused. "Are you okay? Babies are okay?" Since I told Eric I was pregnant he acted like a paranoid. He had to know where I was all the time and now the babies were born the situation hadn't improved. Well, I loved him for it.

"Yes, they're okay. They're probably crying 'cause they're hungry. Will you help me?" I asked as I got out of bed. "Sure. Let me put the pants on."

Pamela Elizabeth Northman and Amelia Michelle Northman were born on a cold February night. The birth was long but at least they were healthy and beautiful. That was all that mattered to me.

I couldn't help crying the day I knew I was pregnant because I thought of Sarah all the time. She was going to have two siblings she would never know but I felt she would watch for them always.

That was the reason of Sarah's picture in the twins' room that adorned the wall next to the window. When the sun shone through the windows it illuminated her image as if she were an angel. Actually she was, my little girl had become an angel who would always take care of her younger sisters.

Eric and I were happy, we had two beautiful girls we adored and our lives seemed to have returned to normal.

Although I still could remember in detail every time.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX X**

"Sookie, I've been talking to Pam and it looks like things are back to normal, or so it seemed but…" Eric had returned home, the house we shared since we decided to live together. Pam and Amelia were opposed telling us that we were making a big mistake but we didn't see it the same way. "Sookie, what's up?" The bathroom door wasn't closed and he heard me crying. "Baby, is everything okay?" He was worried, I could see it in his eyes but instead of keeping asking questions he sat on the floor next to me and hugged me against his chest. "Love you, baby, you already know that. You can tell me anything."

It wasn't the first time Eric found me crying so he was already used to but his reaction was always the same. He cared so much for me, he wanted me to feel better and he did it by putting a smile on my face although I felt very sad.

"They're good news," I said between sobs, "or at least I hope so." Eric and I hadn't talked about getting married, let alone have children together, so I wasn't sure how he would react.

"What news?" I didn't feel strong enough to tell him so I just handed him the pregnancy test. He looked at it for a few seconds and I started thinking that he maybe had no idea what he was seeing. "Are you…are you pregnant?" His eyes were wide open but by the look on his face I couldn't see anything else. What was he thinking? Was he glad about or maybe thought it was a mistake? This uncertainty was killing me.

"Eric, I…" I took a deep breath and kept talking. "I know it's not the best time because we just started living together and Pam and Amelia will probably think that's crazy but…" I was so nervous that I barely heard the words coming out of my mouth but when Eric kissed me passionately I knew all my concerns were ridiculous.

"I love you, Sookie Stackhouse," and he kissed me again. "And I'm gonna be a father…" he said with tears in his eyes. I've never seen Eric mourning, not even when he told me about his fiancée. He was a tough guy but that day in our bathroom he let himself go by the excitement of our future baby and he cried like a child.

"You feeling better?" I asked when I put down two cups of tea on the table. I knew Eric needed space and the last thing I wanted was to upset him. "I know it was very sudden, but I can't help but being pretty happy."

"Me too, baby."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Pregnant?" Pam asked for the fifth time when invited her and Amelia to our house to have lunch. "Are you trying to beat some kind of record?"

Eric and I looked at each other without understanding a word.

"Amelia, please, say something because I'm tired of not being heard." In the short time they knew Pam and Amelia had become great friends, especially when it came to criticize us in every decision Eric and I took.

"Sook, we're not mad," she began. Were they right to be? It was true Eric and I hadn't planned that I got pregnant but that didn't mean it was a bad thing. "But we think you two are going too fast. I dunno, you two barely know each other, and now this…"

"It's true we haven't planned to have kids right now," I said while Eric held my hand on the table, "but I am happy. We are happy with the idea of being parents and nothing will make us change our minds." Eric and I had talked about it for hours and both of us agreed. In other circumstances we would have waited to have children but the fact that I was pregnant didn't change anything, we just had advanced a lot.

"I've always wanted to be a father, Pam, you know that." Pam rolled her eyes but I knew Eric wouldn't give up. "And I found the perfect woman to fulfil that dream. I love Sookie, she loves me, we're living together and we're gonna be parents. Can't you be happy for me?"

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"They're beautiful," Eric murmured as he was feeding Amelia with a bottle and I smiled as I did the same with little Pam. "We've been very lucky, haven't we?"

"We're fortunate, Eric." And of course we were.

Every time I walked into the twins' bedroom I couldn't help but looking to Sarah's picture. She would be so happy. She always told me she wanted a little sibling to take care of and be a good sister, so somehow I knew her dream came true.

"Ames' already finished," he said when she fell asleep with her head against his shoulder. "Do you want me to stay with Pam?"

"No, I'm good. Go to bed."

Eric walked away and left the hall light turned on. I love spending time in my daughters' bedroom, I felt relaxed and it was my happy place. When Eric and I were with the girls everything was perfect. I couldn't imagine a better place to spend time in.

"It's time to sleep, baby," I whispered and Pam looked at me with her beautiful blue eyes. "Let's go to bed."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Pam and Amelia were delighted with the girls when they came to visit us to the hospital. They were beautiful and when we told them that we would name them after both of them Amelia burst into tears and Pam hugged her brother tightly.

"I know I was against all this at first, Eric, but when I look at those little two little girls I realize I was wrong." I looked at Eric with tears in my eyes and saw that he was about to cry too.

"Thanks for this, Pam," he told his sister. "It's pretty important for us that you're both here."

I was lying in bed with a girl on each side of me and I couldn't be happier. Seeing Eric with Pam and Amelia and knowing that things would go much better from now on.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Three years later**

"This house is fucking awesome…" Pam muttered when we invited her to our new home.

"Pam, language!" Eric hissed 'cause our girls began repeating everything they heard.

"Oh please…" Pam, as always, rolled her eyes and she and Amelia looked at every detail around them.

The apartment Eric and I had been living together was fine for two people but when we found out that I was pregnant with twins we decided it would be better to go to a bigger house with a garden where our kids could play and spend time outdoors.

"I like it, I like it very much." Amelia said and both of us sighed relieved. Not that we needed their permission but leaving to the outskirts of the city was a decision we had to think carefully. Eric had lived all his life in the city and since I arrived to New York too, so leaving to outskirts would mean many changes for everyone. "I barely know this part of the city so it'll be great to come to visit." Amelia added and I suddenly felt much better. There had been too many tensions between us all so I needed to get things back to normal.

"Pam?" I asked timidly while Eric was chasing the girls around the room. I loved seeing them play together and Eric was a fantastic father.

"I think you all are going to be very happy here, Sookie." I couldn't hold back tears and threw myself at her and hugged her tightly. "Thanks, Pam. It's pretty important to us that you accept all this."

"Well, when are we going to do the tour?" Amelia asked and while Eric stayed with the girls I showed them every corner of the house. I was proud of what we had done it, it was a home now and I couldn't believe after all this time and sadness we finally had gotten to cope.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX **

"Are you two really going to be okay?" I asked one more time before Eric dragged me out of the house and our way to the hospital. "We don't know how long it will take and…"

"Sookie, enough." Eric exclaimed and I closed my mouth. "Pam and Amelia will be here taking care of the girls, okay?" I nodded. "Nothing's gonna happen but if we don't go right now you'll end up giving birth to our baby on the living room floor, do you understand?"

Yes, I was pregnant again.

Little Pam and Ames were three years old, Eric and I had been married a few months after starting to live in the new house and I got pregnant again ten minutes after our wedding. Maybe it was too early to have more kids but we were both very excited about the idea of having a big family.

"You're right. No sugar and in bed at nine. Not later." And I looked at both of them. "I'm serious."

Old Pam and Amelia rolled their eyes and Eric got out of the house with me in tow.

Four hours later I had in my arms the new member of the Northman family.

Michael Alexander Northman was the image of his father. Blue eyes, white-blond hair and the nurses were thrilled with him. They said he was the cutest baby they had ever seen and some of them tried to flirt with my husband when they thought I was sleeping.

"Do you realize how lucky we are?" I mumbled while I couldn't look away from Michael. "I never thought my life could change in this way in such a short time." I looked at Eric with glassy eyes and realized I wasn't the only one about to cry. "We are very lucky to have found each other, Eric. We met in the worst way possible, our fates crossed and we have finally found our path."

"Yeah, but I guess you also know that we won't have sex again with three kids at home…" and I laughed. Eric always made me smile and it was something that made me feel great.

"I know," I muttered with a shrug, "we can always ask Pam and Ames to babysit." Yeah, Pam had the maternal instinct of the witch in Snow-White and Amelia wasn't exactly the most responsible person I knew, but the truth was that they had changed a lot. When it came to the girls they would be able to do anything for them and I knew I could trust them but I liked to tease them. "Besides, I don't think I'm gonna be able to stay away from this little boy for long."

"Yes, we'll have a lot of work."

And of course we were going to have it. Three kids was a full-time job but Eric and I were more than willing.

"I love you, Sookie Northman." He said kissing me on the forehead and doing the same with little Michael.

"Love you too, Eric Northman."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

_Dear Sarah,_

_No matter how hard life can be, bad times and tragedies can happen because in the end we all have a destiny._

_I feel a terrible pain in my heart to say that your destiny, my little girl, was written too soon but I know you will always be with us, with all of us. I know you'll take care of your sisters and brother forever because that's what big siblings do._

_I would have loved you to meet Eric, he's a very special person and the father of your siblings. I know you loved your father very much and I would never have said a word against him in front of you, but I hope you can understand that sometimes things are not simple. Not everything is black or white, sometimes it's just gray._

_I thought my life was gray before, that I would never see the colors again as I saw them when you showed me your precious drawings. It passed a lot of time before I realized that taking the life I was living I was betraying you, but I missed you so much that the rest did not matter. Now I realize I was wrong, that I should take advantage of every moment but it hurt and it broke my heart that you weren't here with me to enjoy with you._

_You will always be in my mind and my heart. You all are in my heart, Sarah, but you will have a special place, a huge place that nobody can ever take._

_I know you'll never read these words but I hope wherever you are you realize that, despite everything, I'm happy. I'm very happy with the man I love, I'm in love with him and my three precious kids. They, all of them, are the light at the end of the tunnel and I know someday we will meet again. You and I will be always together._

_I love you, Sarah._

I closed my diary and put it in the drawer of the bedside table in my bedroom as I did every night. It was part of the therapy Felicia told me to start. At first they were just letters but I decided to write each word in the diary Eric gave me and I accepted with great affection.

"Ready to bed?" Eric asked when tucked Michael in the crib we had in our bedroom. I wasn't able to stay away from him even if he was in the next room. I needed to have him close to me at least for a while so we had to whisper not to wake him.

"Yeah," I mumbled and got into bed beside him. "I was finishing to tell Sarah the good news."

"Hope she's happy for us." I snuggled against him as he stroked my arm.

"She is, Eric. Sarah is happy for us."

Two lives destroyed by the tragedy. Two lives that sank to the bottom until they resurged like the phoenix did from its ashes.

The origin of a new life.

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><p><strong><em>That was all. <em>**

**_I think I needed a happy ending and they deserved to it too._**

**_Thanks a lot for reading, reviewing this story. If you liked this last chapter do it again and make me happy._**

**_:)_**


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